Former English leader Lewis Moody has announced he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet confront the full implications of the muscle-degenerating condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was involved in the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and secured multiple English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after learning he has the illness.
"There's a certain looking the future in the face and not wanting to really process that at the minute," he said.
"It's not that I am unaware of where it's going. We grasp that. But there is certainly a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, conversing with his wife Annie, explains instead he feels "at ease" as he focuses on his immediate wellbeing, his family and making preparations for when the disease worsens.
"Maybe that's shock or perhaps I deal with matters differently, and once I have the details, it's more manageable," he stated further.
Early Symptoms
Moody learned he had MND after noticing some reduced power in his shoulder area while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy didn't help the problem, a series of scans showed nerve cells in his brain and spinal cord had been damaged by MND.
"You receive this medical finding of MND and we're rightly quite affected about it, but it's so strange because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he remarked.
"I don't feel ill. I don't feel unwell
"My indications are quite slight. I have a bit of muscle wasting in the hand area and the shoulder.
"I continue to be competent to doing whatever I want. And with luck that will persist for as long as is feasible."
Condition Development
MND can develop rapidly.
As per the non-profit MND Association, the condition kills a 33% of people within a year and above half within 730 days of detection, as ingestion and breathing become harder.
Medical care can only slow decline.
"It isn't ever me that I feel sad for," stated an moved Moody.
"It's the sorrow around having to inform my mum - as an sole offspring - and the consequences that has for her."
Household Effect
Talking from the residence with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overcome with feeling when he spoke about informing his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the heartbreaking news, saying: "That represented the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two brilliant boys and that was rather heartbreaking," Moody remarked.
"We sat on the couch in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog bounded over and started licking the drops off our faces, which was quite funny."
Moody said the focus was being in the present.
"There exists no solution and that is why you have to be very intensely concentrated on just embracing and savoring each moment now," he commented.
"As Annie said, we've been truly fortunate that the primary decision I made when I concluded playing was to devote as much time with the kids as possible. We don't get those periods back."
Player Link
Professional sportspeople are excessively affected by MND, with investigations suggesting the incidence of the illness is up to 600% higher than in the broader public.
It is believed that by reducing the air accessible and producing harm to motor neurone cells, frequent, vigorous training can trigger the disease in those previously predisposed.
Rugby Professional Life
Moody, who earned 71 England caps and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in acknowledgment of his brave, persistent style to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once initiated a training-ground confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he left a training equipment and commenced throwing himself into physical contacts.
After appearing as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the back of the set piece in the critical phase of play, establishing a platform for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding drop-goal.
Backing System
Moody has already notified Johnson, who captained England to that title, and a couple of other previous team-mates about his medical situation, but the rest will be finding out his news with the remainder of public.
"There will be a period when we'll need to lean on their assistance but, at the present, just having that sort of affection and acceptance that people are present is the crucial thing," he commented.
"This game is such a great family.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even should it ended now, I've appreciated all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you get to call your enthusiasm your vocation, it's one of the most important blessings.
"To have done it for so long a time with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will wish to help in any way they can and I look forward to having those talks."
